Just a laff

The Belly

Week 18 and feelin' fine! We got our test results back for the maternal serum screening and to quote nurse Barb, "everything is perfect". We're still having our bi-weekly doppler shows. We thought that the sessions would get shorter now that we've become more accustomed with locating the heart beat, but lately we've been finding mine first and then the baby's will kick in and harmonize. We'll hear both together and then we'll get a quick baby beat solo. It is one of the most amazing sounds ever! I haven't been feeling any real baby movement yet. I get a flutter every now and then but nothing really pronounced, like a good kick! Soon, I'm sure.

I was having a bit of a time with the whole pregnant body image thing. When people would say, "wow, you're really starting to show", I'd hear - "jeeze you're getting fat". And if they'd say "you're not really showing yet", I'd hear - "are you sure that you're pregnant?" Perhaps I was experiencing some sort of the-grass-is-always-greener kinda syndrome. Or something similar. Like, if you have curly hair, you want it to be straight. I am a woman after all! And a pregnant one to boot!

Here's an example of the kinda crap I get to hear. At work, we we're all placing an order for lunch. I choose the small chicken noodle. Buddy* next to me says something like, "you better order the small. you're really starting to pack it on". I say, "I must really get you that list of things NOT to say to a pregnant woman**. As a matter of fact, Bill* has it right now. Maybe you can get it from him". Bill would be the guy who growls "prrrreggggo" every time I walk by. Buddy got the hint and a few minutes later he came around to apologize. Whatever. And then there's the waiter at the local pub, "wow, you sure are gaining weight fast!" "Well, I am almost at 18 weeks now." "Really? Didn't you tell me that you were at 12 weeks?" "uh, ya...that was about 6 weeks ago." Duh!

Please don't get me wrong. I'm more than proud of my ever expanding belly. Just ask Jay! I'm dancing around holding my bump and telling him to look at it and talk to it and sing to it and touch it. There's someone growing inside, isn't that just freaky!!!?

I've always thought that photos of pregnant bellies were kinda , well, strange. I will admit to having perused sites where women post their preggo bumps. I HAD to compare. And it looks as though I measure up! But recently I've actually had some requests from people wanting to see what it looks like, so here you go...

18 weeks

* names have been changed to protect the stoopid.

**why do we say pregnant "woman"? is there such a thing as a pregnant man? or are people just afraid that others might think that they're referring to the pregnant cat or dog or cow or sheep? In Spanish there's just one word for it - embarazada. Which, of course, can be easily confused with avergonzado (embarrassed). So it would be an easy mistake for a person learning Spanish to make: "Pablo esta embarazado". Paul is pregnant!? How embarrassing!

Growing Pains

Every now and then I'll get a little "stitch" down in the lower abdominal area. Sometimes on the right side, sometimes on the left. If I get up too quickly, if I laugh, cough, sneeze something in there pulls and it really effen hurts! On Sunday evening it really started to burn, across the entire area. I was fine if I was sitting or standing still, but by Monday I could hardly walk. Great. Luckily we had a doc appointment that morning. "Nothing to worry about", she said. "Growing pains". It seems that there are ligaments that support the uterus. The round ligaments. As the uterus expands in size and weight, the ligaments supporting it stretch, becoming longer and thinner. Ouch! The next day got a little better and now, Wednesday, all is pretty much back to normal. Phew! But as my mother put it, "Eso no es nada!" Translation: "You ain't seen nuthin yet!" Thanks Mom.

Our doc appointment marked the beginning of week 16. She checked all my vitals and had a listen to the baby's heartbeat and let us know that all is good. We were given some prenatal classes info and sent for a Maternal Serum Screening. Yeehaw! More waiting....As before, with the NT Screening, we feel super confident that all will be fine. We're looking forward to week 19 when we go for our next ultrasound. It will be Christmas Eve. If the baby allows us a peek, we will be able to tell if it's a dude or a doll.

Any bets?

Baby Beignets

and they just keep a-comin'....yesterday my über groovy boss took me and some of my favourite ladies out for a celebratory-bun-in-oven lunch. I had never been to George. What a fabulous restaurant. The artichoke soup and duck cannelloni were divine! Not to mention....dessert!

mmmm...chocolate filled baby beignets

These delectable chocolate beignets covered in cinnamon sugar came courtesy of George. Kim had brought me a little prezzie (some Body Shop butter for my belly and yummy lip gloss). I'm thinking that the gift bag triggered the waiter to ask, "Special occasion? Someone's birthday?" "Well kinda. Some time in May." It took everything out of me not to lick that congratulatory chocolate right off that plate! Thanks Michael and Kim and Jodi and Jillian, from me and the bump. xo

Angel of Love

The well wishes, congratulations and prayers just keep coming. And we love and very much appreciate it! My sister-in-law, Lori, gave me a very special gift. It's a small medal of Saint Gerard Majella, Patron Saint of Expectant Mothers. I carry it everywhere I go, it's pinned to the inside of my wallet. It looks something like this:

and on the flip side is Mary holding baby Jesus.

I had never heard of St. Gerard. Guess I'm a lapsed Catholic. Lori, on the other hand, is very committed and keeps us all safe in her prayers. Although Jay and I have been baptized and gone through both communion and confirmation, we did not get married in the Catholic church. What will this mean for Baby Flores-Holz? We've never really talked about it, perhaps we should. For now it's good to know that we have Saint Gerard (and hopefully all of the angels and saints) watching over us. Oh, and Lori Flores too - of course!

Baby's First Track

We rented a doppler. We researched and researched and ran it by our doc. Everyone gave us the thumbs up. The only drawback that we were advise of was that not finding the heartbeat or not knowing what to listen for could cause us stress. We have had no trouble finding the heartbeat. Listening to it is like hearing the growing baby say "¡hola!". The doppler came as a kit, with the gel and an instructional CD all in a pretty velvet bag. I love it. We took it to my parents' place over the weekend for Show & Tell. A moment I will never forget -- lying on my parents' bed, surrounded by loved ones, listening to the newest family member's heart beat away. I don't think we've ever been that quiet! Jay, being the musician/armchair sound technician, set up our mini studio at home in order to lay down baby's first track. You can click play on the recording in the side bar and have a listen for yourself.

thumpedythumpthumpthump!

Everything is Fine

We got our test results back from the nuchal translucency screening and we rocked the report! My doctor's nurse left a message on my cell and I can't stop listening to it! "we got the report back and it is fine...it puts you below a 15yr old, which is basically negative....everything is fine." Yabba dabba doooo!!!

With that news under my ever expanding belt I've been able to start telling some more folks at work and last night I was able to freak out a table of knitters. We had just come from a new knit shop launch and we were cozying up in a booth at a nearby restaurant when the girls pulled out their loot bags and started talking about swapping the balls of yarn they were given. I suggested that they all keep what they had so that they could knit booties for the baby I'll be having in May. For the most part they thought that I was just messing with them, but once they realized that I was more than serious they were full of congrats and support. Phew!

It's getting easier and easier to say it out loud. Fun, even! Here are a few of my favorite ways of spreading the news so far:

• telling my mom, at her birthday party, that we had one more birthday present for her.
• telling Jay's parents that we had a great picture to show them and then presenting them with the shot of the 7 week ultrasound.
• Jodi asking me "what you knittin?" and me responding with "a maternity sweater".
• after declining a glass of wine and refusing the caesar salad made with raw eggs, Jillian asks "whut's up?", I respond "bun in oven."
• telling Kathryn that I need to talk to her about maternity leave.
• telling the knitters to save their yarn for baby booties.

a few memorable reactions:
• my mom bouncing up and down like a little girl while my grandma puts her hands in prayer and gazes up to the heavens in thanks.
• Jay's mom gasping and tearing up at the shot of the ultrasound.
• Bonnie hugging me over and over and over again.
• Kathryn jumping up and down while trying not to make a sound.
• All of the knitters faces as they registered the information.

I must keep adding to these lists. The support and excitement has been amazing. The non-stop hugs and words of encouragement are helping to keep me calm and at ease. Just like nurse Barb said, "Everything is fine."

(not) Coming Out

We've hit week 13 (aka the first week of the 2nd trimester). wooo!! But we're still hiding safely in the closet. I'm kinda shy about the whole thing. I'm just not sure how to tell people. And part of me doesn't want the extra attention. Hard to believe, I know, but true. Slowly but surely I've been telling some of the folks at work. Quietly. One at a time. And, of course, making them promise to keep the secret safe. My knitter pals don't know yet and after last week's sobriety at the monthly Drunken Knitters Night, I have a feeling that they're starting to get suspicious. We're still waiting to hear back regarding the results from the nuchal translucency tests. And even though deep down inside I know that all is good and progressing accordingly, I'll still blame the lack of information for keeping the babe in the bag. And I also know that any day now I'll have to just bite the bullet and throw on this sweet little number...

Testing, testing, 1...2...3...

12 weeks and a day...

Bubba

What an amazing sight! It moved. It did a little dance and then it seemed to settle in for a nap. It was probably full from the delicious EggMcJay breakfast we had brought to us in bed this morning and it just wanted to sleep it off. We went in for the Nuchal Translucency screening and according to our techie, everything looks "normal". Fetal extremities - good; fetal movement; good; nuchal translucency measure: 1.6mm - good. After the Dancing Fetal Show I was sent for some blood letting. Only one vial! Thank the good Lord! In a weeks time, we'll have the results, which we're sure will be "low risk". We've never made it this far before and we have every intention of making it all the way to the finish line! A low risk result will keep us away from the dreaded Amnio. Not that I fear needles all that much, it's the risk of miscarriage that has us completely freaked out.

All nerves and freakyness aside, we are ecstatic! This is definitely one of the happiest days that Jay and I have shared so far in this journey that is Our Sweet Life Together. What I'm loving about this pregnancy, besides the fact that I'm carrying our baby, is that Jay and I are getting closer and closer every day. How much more close can ya get!? He is just such an awesome person. Who else can make me laugh through nausea and senseless tears? or bring me soda water in the middle of the night? or have the patience to wait by the fitting room while I try on yet another maternity top even though it's just not in the budget? Who else can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never never never let me forget he's my man! I *heart* Jay!!!

Pre-Maternity Leave

I was thinkin' what a wonderful world this would be if once you reached week 6 you were sent home to relax and deal with the barfiness and the dizzyness and the shear exhaustion. Then you could return to work during your 2nd trimester, stay until 2 weeks before your due date and then go off on maternity leave for a year. With full benefits and pay, of course! A gal can dream, can't she?

I've been feeling a little better lately. Meaning the nauseous moments are farther apart. Woo! But the tiredness seems to be hanging on. I'm ok though. I'm looking forward to the day when I can say (out loud), "I'm really not this fat, I'm pregnant!" I realize that I should not be gaining all that much during the first trimester, but when the only thing you can stomach is pasta marinated in butter, french fries, ice cream and popsicles, the calories are bound to catch up to ya!

My wardrobe is shrinking. I just want to put everything in a box and shop shop shop. I had to give in and get a pair of those maternity jeans and they ain't all that bad. They kinda feel like they're gonna fall right off, but I guess that I just need to grow into them a little more. Week 11 may be a bit early for the maternity wardrobe but I just couldn't help myself. And why buy regular clothes when you're just gonna grow out of them in a few months. Any excuse to shop! I've been lucky though, Old Navy and The Bay have some awesome deals. Good for the ol' budget!

Jay and I are counting down the minutes to Monday's 12 week ultrasound. If all goes well (and it will) we can celebrate with a new t-shirt that announces "baby on board" or something just as cheezy. Spreading the word across my chest!

Drinking for Two

I met Dee & Deb for dinner last night (of course, I had to run home for a nap before going, but i made it!). Traditionally, Dee and I take turns bringing our own bottle of vino and pay for corkage. We're finicky that way. Well this time, Dee didn't have time to drop by the liquor store and I feigned forgetful. When I got to the restaurant Dee started to give me the skinny on the wine situation. I didn't have the heart to let her go on so I told her that I would not be drinking any this evening. She knew instantly - you're preggers!! Am I that transparent? Am I that notorious for getting my drink on? Or was I just such a lush in my pre-preggers days that as soon as I decline a drink everyone knows? Even Jay joked as I left to go out, "Don't drink too much tonight". Dang! And today I woke up feeling just as I always do after a night out with them gals, nauseous, exhausted and looking forward to my lunch time nap in the park.

Heartbeat

11 weeks and a day.
I got the most wonderful surprise today.
I had a doctor's appointment this morning. I thought it was just gonna be the regular lady check up stuff, but to my amazement the Doc pulled out this thingy machine (a Doppler) and said, "it's still a bit early, but lets see if we can hear the heartbeat." She made me promise that I wouldn't freak out if she didn't find anything. At 7 weeks we got to see the heartbeat flicker during the ultrasound, but this time I got hear it. It was awesome! The only sad part was that Jay wasn't there to share the moment. With it being a regular checkup I didn't anticipate anything baby related, so there was no point in him missing a morning of work. We're up for our next ultrasound on Monday and he'll be there for that (and probably for all other appointments from now on!). Can't freakin wait!
When I got to work I ran into Bonnie in the hallway. This was the perfect opportunity to share the news. I was beaming from the heartbeat, it just seemed like the perfect time. She musta hugged me a billion times!

Not feeling social

I miss my friends. The way that I'm feeling these days makes it very very hard to socialize. I don't have any energy and I feel plain old lousey. Smells that I used to love before make me wanna puke. No more popcorn, coffee, butter chicken, fish, salad...oh the list goes on. when people start heating their lunches at work I have to leave the office and lie on a bench in the park like some little hobo.

I miss knitting. Before the all-the-time-sickness hit, I'd be knitting everywhere all of the time, but lately I have no desire. It almost makes me dizzy. Very very sad. I hope this passes soon! My gals at the weekly stitch n bitch are gonna start to wonder if I've abandoned them forever.

I'm sure that everyone will understand once the news comes out. I'm looking forward to sharing it with the world!!!

Happy Anniversary

We celebrated our third anniversary this week. Jay's parents treated us to a wonderful stay at the Radisson Hotel in Kingston for the long weekend and lent us their car to boot! We waded in the pool and took a walk through the outdoor market. We had a delicious dinner and ordered a movie to our room. And just plain relaxed.
Monday we headed to Oshawa to return the car and spend some time with the folks. Tuesday we lazed around the apartment and convinced each other not to do any laundry. Wednesday my ma and pa came downtown and took us for a yummy lunch at the pub across the street and then Jay accompanied me to my foot doctor appointment (I need orthotics!!) followed by voting and then a grand meal at Il Fornello.

Jay is the greatest partner in the whole wide world. And he's going to make one heckuvan awesome dad.

Telling the 'rents

We headed out to Oshawa to stay at Jay's parents' place before heading out to Deb & Tony's wedding in Kingston. We brought the ultrasound pic to show them. After Dad had opened his belated b-day gifts, Jay told them that we had recently taken an awesome photo and that we wanted to share it with them. They were blown away! Happy tears and warm hugs.

week 7 - the peanut

We got up bright and early to make it to the ultrasound appointment and it was well worth it! nausea and all. At first she checked me abdominally and the screen was blank. well not blank exactly, but the sac looked empty. I was worried. What's going on!? and then the big wand came out and the transvaginal began. it's so frustrating not knowing what you're looking at or what they're looking for. little did i know that they were checking out my ovaries and uterus and making sure all was good. once they got what they needed they let us finally see it. and there "it" was, in all its glory...


Inside the black there is a peanut and inside that peanut there is a white dot. that white dot flickered. that white dot is a heartbeat. we were overwhelmed. as soon as the technicians left i just started to ball. even jay was tearing up. having had two miscarriages, we never had the chance to see a heartbeat. this was truly a miracle. we are truly blessed.

then off to see docta shep with the results. "all is good", she told us. "come back at week 11 and we'll do a full physical"and she sent me off to pee in a cup and get vials and vials of blood sucked out of my arm.

what an awesome day!

Feeling the love

Could I possibly be any more tired or feel any more nauseous? ugh! Don't get me wrong, I am totally thrilled about the situation, I just wish that i had a bit more energy and that i didn't feel like puking all of the time. Jay's amazing, always making sure that i'm doing alright. bringing me ice cream and freezie pops and rubbing my feet. ahh love.

Jen is just to S-M-R-T!

Sometimes me ain't so smart. S-M-R-T! I updated my facebook profile this morning to Sandi is nauseous with anticipation. It took Jen all of 5 minutes to send me a message, "what are u anticipating?". Being 9 months pregnant, she's quicker than most when it comes to these types of cryptic messages. I changed my profile immediately and gave Jen a call to share the news. She was ecstatic! And so am I.

Docta Shep

I had made an appointment with my doc to talk to her about some foot pain I'd been experiencing with my left foot. Aching bunion, bla bla bla. So of course I took this opportunity to tell her that I was pregnant. She was more than happy to hear it. She tells me that I'm at about 5 weeks in.
The reason I started seeing Dr. Shepherd was because I had gone through two misscarrages (one in March 03 and one Oct. 04) and I wanted a family doctor. I was tired of the walk-in clinics and nobody really caring. I saw a few before I decided that Docta Shep was the one. Her office isn't in the greatest part of town and it houses an HIV & Mental Health Clinic which can make for some scary waiting time. But there was something about her that was very genuine. She looks at you when you talk, you can see her processing the information and she has a great sense of humour. Meaning, she gets mine. Knowing my pregnancy track record, the Doc schedules me for an ultrasound at 7 weeks. Can't freakin wait!

Telling Ma

We're celebrating my mom's 67th b-day today. Sista has graciously offered to throw a bbq in her honour. Before heading out there I decide that another pee-on-a-stick test is in order. All of a sudden my breasts aren't as tender as they were yesterday. something must be wrong. I can't tell mom that we're expecting when maybe we're not expecting anymore. yes, i make a lot of sense. i am completely rational. ya right. in seconds the stick tells me - postitive. was there any doubt?

We head out to the west end. I am exhausted. I try to nap on the train. Before the bbq gets underway we get mom to open some presents. I've knit her a cozy vest. She loves it. I tell her that we have one more present for her and she gets all exited, like a little kid. Almost like she knows what's coming. We tell them, mom, abuela, the kids. My mom and gran start thanking God and hugging us and just freaking out in general. Kassidy can't believe it. She has a million 12-year old questions. And I have a lot of time to answer them all!

Telling Sista

I called Sista last night and gave her the news. I didn't want to do it over email the next day. I wanted to hear her voice. She was very happy. and told me not to worry. KO texted wanting to know how I was doing. I called her and shared the news. Another happy friend and supporter. Although they both confessed that they would miss me in the party world. I also decided to tell M2 when I got to work. She was thrilled. She gave me a big hug and told me to take care. Great to know that the ladies got my back.

I met Kell & Nuala for dinner tonight. I told them that I wouldn't be drinking or smoking. They knew right away. More happiness, well wishes and support. And my bill was the cheapest it's ever been! Something's gotta be said for staying dry.

I just spent months trying to loose 10lbs and succeeded. I even have a WW ribbon on the fridge to prove it! now what??

oh who cares! a baby is coming! a baby is coming!

Pee on a Stick

I'm about 5 days late. I'm hardly ever late and I've got a girl's night out tomorrow and I know that we will be drinking way to much wine and perhaps get stoopid enough to smoke cigarettes. I have the regular pms symptoms - cramps and tender breast, but i wanna be sure that all is cool. I confide in Sista and KO at work. I tell them that I'm going for the test. I head to Shopper's to pick up a double pack pregnancy test. I wait for Jay to get home. I pee on a stick. I cover the pee stick thingy with the instruction, I call Jay in, we wait. Minutes pass, we lift off the paper and there it is - positive. Positively positive. We smile, we hug, we congratulate each other. We promise not to worry. It's my mom's birthday today, this has to be a good sign.

The song Jay sings to Baby

The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota - Weird Al Yankovic